I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
