It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
