This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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