you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
