I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
