I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We left the knife in your bed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
