Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
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You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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