Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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