I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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