But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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