I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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