he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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