This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
