as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
