Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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