Me. At least after what I've been through.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
