There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
