I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
