i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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