i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
