i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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