Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
