someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
