in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
