I'm really into asian looking animals
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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