i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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