the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
