You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
