so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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