my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
