yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
