yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
