I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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