Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
