I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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