do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize