Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
