Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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