I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
