this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
