i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
