She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
