Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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