Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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