On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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