are you still at the devil's house?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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