Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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