that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
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So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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