FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
