I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pants are for mortals
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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