Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
