I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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