If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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