stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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