If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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