I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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