I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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