so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
