you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
