HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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