I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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