that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
