i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
