whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
