Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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