I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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