The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize