Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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