Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
