Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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